Make Like A Fetus and Head Out

It's happening. Taking our girl home.

Day 7; Positive Image

Today was the day Abigail went to a place called Positive Image.  It is a salon at the hospital where kids can get a new haircut, shave their head, get fun hats and scarves, or even come up with a wig they would like.  Abigail and I looked yesterday at new hairstyles and she chose a new, shorter style.  I heard the specialist give her tips on how to deal more easily with the hair loss.  It was a pretty emotional morning; but I was able to hold my shit together.

This experience was further complicated by a migraine headache (her not me!).  I think it is complication of polypharmacy.  We are weaning off the morphine and using more Tylenol and PRN pain medications.  By the time she was finished with the cut she could not tolerate a style or to look at any hats or scarves.  

I will wait for Abigail to feel like showing off her new hair before I post any pictures.  I'll describe it as: at the shoulder and very fresh looking.  I hope when she wakes up and has a chance to really style it, she will feel good about this.  But still, it's shitty.  It's hard.  There is nothing that will make this part easy for her.  And having your mom sob while your hair is being cut off certainly does not make it any easier or less shitty.  So I held it together, and later tonight in the shower I'll have my usual cry.

She had her chemo (VCR and DAUN) and now she is just resting until she goes down for sedation and the LP.  She will get her IT chemo this afternoon as well.  Something about knowing chemo is going into my child's cerebrospinal fluid makes me feel good.  It's so strange to me...  I feel GOOD there are chemicals being put in my kid's body.  But - yeah - let's give everything we can to fight this.  

The other thing I don't feel comfortable with is the Lupron injection today.  It's basically inducing menopause with a chemical.  I'm worried about this a lot and I cannot rationalize why.  I am worried about her future fertility, and that's all I am willing to say right now.  If I write about it, it makes it more real, and I'm not ready for that to be a reality yet.  I know the Lupron is meant to help preserve her ovarian function, and I know that she needs this, but I still feel so sad about it.

She is still sleeping.  It's been about 90 minutes now and I'm so grateful she can sleep off the migraine.  

Our nurse practitioner is coming by very soon to do some more teaching for discharge.  I have a lot of questions that I have been waiting to ask her.  I love that this hospital incorporates NPs in the medical team.  The hematologists and oncologists are extremely important, but the support and education we get from the NP is invaluable.  

I have nothing but good things to say about UW Children's Hospital.  They've really figured this shit out.  It feels like a true partnership.

To her aunt, cousins, and friends who have visited:  she told me yesterday that your visits really raised her spirit yesterday.  Thank you so much.  It wore her out, but I'm telling you, I could see her heart swell.  You made a difference.